SALTWATER (2016)

SALTWATER (2016)

Tagline: The Coast Is Toast

(Adventure, Action, Radiation) [PG-13]

Note: This movie wasn’t given an MPAA rating, but I think some of the language would have had it getting a PG-13. This movie is also known as SALTWATER ATOMIC SHARK and ATOMIC SHARK. 

I’m telling you I saw something out there, it was glowing, it was red…

In this one Soviet nuclear subs are blamed for a radioactive shark that is gobbling up beach lovers. On top of that, all the seafood in the area seems to be affected causing people to melt from the inside out. Lifeguard Gina, her father Rottger, a small film crew, and a few other lifeguards are not having any of it as they try to come up with a plan to kill the shark. Will they succeed, or is the coast…toast? 

First off I am going to do something a bit different with this review. As of the writing of this thing, I am going to rank studios by level of “Shark Movie Quality”. The criteria is that they have to have at least made a shark movie in the last 10 years and they have to have made at least 3 shark movies total. So we are talking about studios that are purposely venturing into the “sharkverse”. 

1. THE ASYLUM – once known as one of the worst studios out there, THE ASYLUM no longer holds that title. The studio has been involved in over 20 shark movies including the entire SHARKNADO series, the MEGA SHARK series, and all the X-HEADED SHARK ATTACK movies.

2. ALLABORDE FILMS – BIG SHARK will mark the studio's 4th shark movie. SALTWATER (ATOMIC SHARK) was done by this studio as well as NIGHTMARE SHARK and TRAILER PARK SHARK. 

3. ACTIVE ENTERTAINMENT – SANTA JAWS was the latest of 7 shark films from this studio. I guess SHARK MAN only loosely fits the genre. GHOST SHARK, SWAMP SHARK, and OZARK SHARKS are some examples. 

4. WILD EYE RELEASING – This studio works with POLONIA BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT, so the level of garbage out of this studio is on par with them. 7 of the shark movies they have released seem to have either nothing or just possible a director in common with POLONIA BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT. Examples are JURASSIC SHARK, RAIDERS OF THE LOST SHARK, and SHARKENSTEIN.  

5. POLONIA BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT – With 5 shark movies under their belts, the Polonia Brothers show no signs that they are going to start trying to raise their quality any time soon. SHARKULA, SHARK ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, and LAND SHARK are examples. WILD EYE RELEASING might be just as bad here, but if you have already gone below ACTIVE ENTERTAINMENT, you are now in "total crap" zone. This is not to say these movies aren’t at least a little fun. 

So what is going on with this thing? SALTWATER ATOMIC SHARK is I guess fairly easy to confuse with another movie actually just called ATOMIC SHARK and that is because this movie is also called just “ATOMIC SHARK” on some of its marketing material. The similarity was enough to confuse the graphics guy at YouTube channel “Blood Bath & Beyond” into putting the wrong poster thumbnail on their video review of this movie. 

What works in this movie is the casting. There isn’t much that Jeff Fahey is in that I won’t watch. Fahey is best known for ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL and another shark movie called BLUE DEMON (that everyone seems to hate). He plays Gina’s father in this one. Gina is basically the lifeguard you want around when atomic sharks show up. Played by Rachele Brooke Smith this choice casting-wise was also pretty solid. Rachele looks a LOT like Alexandra Daddario at least in this movie, but she’s a better actress. The effects are fine. You can tell this shark looks jacked up and that it’s atomic. No one is looking at that thing thinking, “I wonder what that is?”. For fans of shark movies with a ton of shark kills in them we get plenty of those and this score is one of the better ones. 

Where this movie could have done better is in the cinematography. Some of the shots are so fast it’s almost like they didn’t want you to know they happened. My other issue is that Fletcher (played by David Faustino from “Married with Children”) is one of only 3 characters I care about. Gina and Rottger are cool, but we don’t really get a decent back story for either of them. Everyone else in the movie is pretty much someone you want to punch in the nuts. 

I am happy to report that in spite of having low critic scores, this shark movie is another fun one with a pretty cool idea. People that don’t like this one I can only assume don’t watch a ton of shark movies, or they are only referencing the JAWS and DEEP BLUE SEA series. Both of those are pretty good measuring sticks, but when you start looking at the rest of what’s out there, this one stands out in the entertainment department. This year I am likely doing 21 shark movie reviews and this is one of maybe 4 I would actually pay money to have. 

SALTWATER is a solid 5 out of 7.

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF ALLABORDE AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY. 

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