JURASSIC SHARK (2012)

JURASSIC SHARK (2012)

Tagline: Terror... Until The Last Bite!

(Comedy, Action, Suntan Lotion) [PG-13]

Note – This movie wasn’t given an MPAA rating, but if it was it would get a PG-13. 

It’s just water!

In this one, an oil company decides to drill too deep in spite of warnings from scientist Sherry Thurig. That ends up being a huge mistake as a Megalodon breaches the bottom of a lake and starts attacking a group of young college students on an isolated island. Meanwhile, art thieves end up in the area complicating things. Can they survive the JURASSIC SHARK?

First off, the answer is no. Not many are going to survive this movie and there is an outside chance not many viewers will either. Back in July of 2015, this was the single lowest-rated movie on the popular movie website IMDB. Having said that, I didn’t even think this was the worst movie of 2012, let alone one of the worst of all time. ANDROID INSURRECTION shares that title. 2 HEADED SHARK ATTACK also came out that year and both this and that movie are in the same boat. It’s a boat that is sinking because it’s made of bad acting, terrible CGI, and a practically non-existent cinematic quality. 

Where this movie fails, is on all the levels I just mentioned, but if you have read my reviews, you already know I don’t go into crappy “anyone could have made a better movie” with any kind of expectation. IN fact, I kind of love that these movies are bad and kind of know they are bad so that at least some fun can be had. JURASSIC SHARK isn’t trying to be anything other than what it is. They even though in a few corny lines on purpose to let you know they know they suckered you into watching sup-bar everything. 

The story is made slightly more interesting by adding the art thieves. I think those parts are often stupid and overacted, but at least it gives a vehicle for the reason we have people going back into the water so many times after they figure out a shark is eating everything. 

Speaking of the acting, this thing is just very very bad. Celine Filion plays Kristen who is just slightly smarter than one of the other college girls this movie focused on. She is just terrible in this, but she must be okay at other things because even though she seems to have stopped acting in 2018, she still has 18 different projects she was involved in if you count “shorts” which I usually do. Having said that, there is nothing she was in that I am likely to review. The best of the bad acting-wise is Emanuelle Carriere who plays Jill. She was supposed to have a short film coming in 2021, but that hadn’t actually been released. I don’t really see myself watching any of her other movies either. We also get Jurgen Vollrath who is also bad, but he was in the 2008 remake of the 1954 film, ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES, so I can't rip on this guy too much? So yeah, overall this is a pretty rough outing for everyone involved. 

What this movie does right is the actual shark. No, the shark isn’t anywhere near big enough, but the CGI on it as bad as it is, still is NOT the worst shark CGI I have seen. Jill is also a likable character in a movie loaded with characters you just can’t wait to see gobbled up. As always in a sea of shark movies, this one is pretty low on the list, but it is not even close to the worst shark movie out there. 

I have to give this one a 3 out of 7. As poorly made as it is, this movie is actually pretty watchable just for laughs. 

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