MEGA SHARK VS. CROCOSAURUS (2010)
Man on man, here we go. Grab the popcorn for this one, because it might the only really good taste in your mouth after this is over. This movie, like most of the movies coming out of the studios of “The Asylum”, was direct to video or a streaming service. At the time this thing came out, I am guessing SYFY carried it. The whole goal of this studio is to cram stuff out there as fast as possible for as cheap as possible, but every once in a while they accidentally find a hit. SHARKNADO is one of those. That movie spawned 5 sequels. The Mega Shark series so far has 4 movies in it, with a 5th announced as of me posting this. So somewhere somebody is watching these damn things besides me.
This one is actually the sequel to MEGA SHARK VS GIANT OCTOPUS which was the first movie in the series. Now we have the same Megalodon from the first one taking over the seas and just wreaking havoc. On top of that we have a giant crocodile that makes the LAKE PLACID crocodile look small. That thing is going to figure out a way to fight Mega Shark or we don’t really have a movie. So brace yourself for 85 minutes of Jaleel White (who plays Dr. Terry McCormick in this, but was most famous for being Steve Urkel on Family Matters) getting yelled at by Nigel (played by Gary Stretch) and Agent Hutchinson (played by Sarah Lieving). Then stare in wonder as he finally sticks up for himself in the last 3 minutes of the movie. Finally bask in the glory of CGI military non-sense invading your ears to take on two huge semi-kaiju threats in the most ridiculously non-scientific way possible. Just kidding, there are worse ways to stop giant sharks and crocodiles I am sure.
If you don’t know who Gary Stretch is, I don’t blame you. I don’t think I have seen him in anything and I watch a ton of movies, but in this he’s like a rented Australian Pierce Brosnan. Sarah Lieving however is recognizable if you watch a lot of The Asylum movies. She seems to be in a ton of them. As much as I like some of the stuff everyone in this movie in “something” they have done, the dialog is just beat to hell and this is a horrifying script for any group of actors and actresses to try and pull off.
Cinematically this movie just struggles out of the gate and doesn’t improve as it moves along. The movies only strong point is the actual fights between the crocosaurus and the mega shark. While they are short lived, we actually get several scenes where the title fight is actually taking place. Any CGI happening is just pretty terrible in this, so if you are looking for something mind-blowing like the posters and promos, look elsewhere. This movie is like buying one of those comics that has an epic cover, but the interiors are mailed in. Or like looking at the Jack In The Box menu and being mesmerized before finding out your burger is tiny, and the lettuce is wilted like it’s been sitting in the sun for half a day.
Don’t be shocked, but my rating for this is a 3 out of 7. My review probably makes it sound like it should be lower, but when you watch an Asylum film you know you are getting big dumb goofy nuttiness for an hour and a half and they are professionals at delivering the perfect level of buffoonery. They do a great job of giving us the movies that no one else would make. For that alone, you have to give this thing a little credit. It’s so bad, it trips, stumbles, and bursts its way across the “little bit good” finish line.
GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF THE ASYLUM AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY.
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