FIRESTARTER (2022)

FIRESTARTER (2022)

Tagline: Nope

(Horror, Drama, Except For Charlie Who Can’t Seem to Stop Lighting Things on Fire) [R]

I'm not special, I'm a monster!

In this one, Andy and Vicky are experimented on by a secret facility called “The Shop”. They are given a serum called “Lot 6” that gives each person either a power, or it kills them. Years later Andy and Vicky are married and have a child named Charlie that can start things on fire with her mind. Because of this, they spend years on the run. After an incident at her school, “The Shop” discovers that Charlie has powers and sends a specialist to collect her for “study”. 

Cinematically this whole movie feels like a bad episode of STRANGER THINGS more than anything else. It’s very mediocre like a lot of Blumhouse stuff and just misses the mark in just about every aspect. There is one thing they did right in this movie that I will get to later. From a directing standpoint, I think Keith Thomas probably got the best he could get out of this group of actors. This version has more “horror” elements that perhaps were closer to what the book was going for, but the fire in a lot of cases looks fake, the fire blasts look fake, stylized and cool maybe, but just pretty fake. 

Casting wise I have some issues with this thing. Outside of Matt Damon, Zac Efron is probably one of my least favorite actors. In fact, anyone that plays the role of a serial killer, I have to really question just in general. Definitely not someone I would trust in real life around my son. That’s just me though; maybe he’s a nice guy? I have no idea. Anyway, it is hard to get around Andy in this move mostly because Efron is playing the role. I am just not a fan. I am also not a fan of Sydney Lemmon in this as Vicky. For me, both these roles are a huge step down from the original. Ryan Kiera Armstrong's performance is just okay as Charlie. I really don’t have a huge problem with her getting cast. She was also in 2021’s THE TOMORROW WAR. We do get some scenes with  Kurtwood Smith and he is still a pretty good actor when it comes to playing shady characters. Kurtwood has been in a ton of stuff since the 80s but is probably still best known for being one of the biggest jerks in ROBOCOP. 

Regarding the score, we do get a pretty good improvement over the original with this one. John Carpenter (who directed Stephen King’s CHRISTINE and BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA), takes a helm here on the music and this thing is just really outstanding in that regard. Outside of that, I think too much time is spent on introducing Vicky just a bit more rather than using flashbacks. The flashback we do get is one we really didn’t need. Charlie also has an additional power in this movie that she didn’t have in the original and it really doesn’t help the movie at all to have added that. They should have just made her fire be too hot for pretty much anything to stop it and called it a day.

The DVD offers 2 endings, the regular one, and an alternate. The regular endings are so bad and so stupid it’s practically nonsense. I would have hated to have seen this in theaters and gotten the ending they gave audiences. Having said that, the alternate ending sucks too and the end result is a watered down far more boring version of the original not worth your time (or mine). 

FIRESTARTER gets a 3 out of 7. I don’t mind remakes as much as some other Gen-X’ers do, but if you are going to do a remake you have to swing for the fences. This movie barely feels like they tried. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF BLUMHOUSE PRODUCTIONS AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY. 

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