QUEEN CRAB (2015)

QUEEN CRAB (2015)

What the crab?

Well, if you saw the cover on this freakin thing you already know they are over-selling it. You can see basically what it looked like in the graphic above. Instead this is a low budget flick, but that doesn’t always mean it sucked. MAMMOTH for instance has an outrageous cover where the mammoth doesn't match the poster, but the film itself is amazing. 

In this one Melissa Webber (played by Michelle Simone Miller whose been in both the TV shows Homeland and Blue Bloods in back up roles) and (Liberty Asbury as Melissa when she was a little girl) decides it’s just going to be the best idea to steal her cranky father’s grapes off an experiment he’s working on, and feed them to a crab that comes up to a pond/lake type area outside their house. I guess she didn’t know that those grapes were full of a growth hormone of nefarious chemical design. The movie fast forwards to "years" later, and there are reports of mysterious rash of horrifying deaths are starting to stack up in this small town. Melissa does her best to protect her crab friend, but now he’s a giant menace and the town is out to end the threat. I am also pretty sure some of them were thinking they would like some buttered crab for weeks, after this is all over. 

I think some of the things in this movie are actually okay. Some of the dialog is fine. The relationships in the town itself are fine. There is the one a-hole narcissistic cop who always does the wrong thing and then the other cop who always does the right thing, (or tries to) so that sort of works here. The acting is also not completely terrible. The action sequences are shoddy, but kind of fantastically campy in a way for a flick like this. 

Where I did find issues is in just about everything else. I think I would have liked this movie if we had more bogus scientists trying to figure things out, or maybe even changed up the score a bit to give this more of a sci-fi eerie comedy feel, but instead it just falls flat. I can handle some pretty bad effects but this crab is not terrifying at all. It kind of looks like a SeaWorld stuffed animal came to life, and started ripping CGI people in half. It looks unfinished, like a CGI rendered model with zero texture to make this thing look at all like it had a real crab shell etc. I also think there was a mistake making this a beauty and the beast type relationship with a crab, it just doesn’t come across. 

There are a LOT of budget flicks that are well done and that I would buy. This is not one of them and I think it had a chance of being so much more than it was even if it was just attempting to be a nod to the great old-school sci-fi flicks. For those reasons I have to give this thing a 2 out of 7. I don’t know many that will walk away thrilled with this unless they are just really un-aware of how many b-movies are out there of this type that were done better.
 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF POLONIA BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY.  

Please check out the link below by clicking on the picture. Because no one should die buttonless. Until next time.