CROC! (2022)

CROC! (2022)

Tagline: Revenge Don't Care Much for the Law 

(Action, Drama, Alligators) [R]

Note: This movie was not given an MPAA rating, but it would have been an [R].

Now avenge your friend’s death and kill that damn crocodile!

In this one, we are taken to the English countryside where a few years earlier a couple was eaten by an alligator. Lisa and Charlie think this is the perfect place to have their wedding, because you know, why the heck not? Of course, the alligator hasn’t left and it’s time to chomp down on everyone in sight.

One thing to understand when you get into this thing right away is that we are dealing with an ASYLUM type film only it’s made by Jagged Edge Productions which is a few notches lower than THE ASYLUM when it comes to CGI. At least the “Jagged Edge” portion of the studio is fairly new and has been cranking out a lot of movies lately. They are actually the studio that is doing the “horror” Winnie the Pooh film WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY. So I say all this to say that if you are coming into this expecting LAKE PLACID, that isn’t happening. 

What is happening is some pretty mediocre acting, horrible high school-style CGI, a paper-thin plot, and horrible directing. It’s pretty glorious. When I review these types of movies, I am just looking for whatever outlandish nonsense I can get as long as they give me at least a few characters to root for. CROC! accomplishes that and even though the movie is not going “for self-aware” nonsense, it still manages to be pretty fun if you are not looking for high-budget perfection. I also like that some of the people that had it coming…got what was coming. Of course in these movies you always have a fair amount of totally innocent people getting chomped on like fresh bagels. 

Acting wise no one is amazing in this, but it’s far from the worst acting I have seen even just this year. Sian Altman plays Lisa, and outside of a bit of a breakdown, she bounces back in this and gets more and more awesome as the movie moves along. Altman has several movies coming out in 2023, but to date, I have not seen any of her stuff. Mark Haldor plays Lisa’s father in this and for some reason, he is given a sex scene at the beginning of the movie that accounts for the only nudity in the movie. This method of securing a [R] rating and appealing to sex-crazed audiences was pretty prominent in the 80s but is far rarer now. The fact that they bothered doing it in this movie came across as beyond tacky. His character is okay, but he’s not really a role model father. Antonia Whillans is pretty cool as Amy and her performance is fine for what they asked of her. She is mostly in b-movies like this, none of which I have seen so far, but KINGDOM OF THE DINOSAURS is on my docket. I couldn’t wait for George Nettleton’s character Charlie to either get eaten or drive away and not come back, but Nettleton is one of the better actors in this. He does have a pretty short resume of roles compared to everyone else though.

In the midst of all this mayhem and madness, they even throw a quick prayer. I also kind of loved that they were not afraid at all to show as much of this crappy CGI as possible. Some shots are better than others as if the crew was only allowed to fully render the alligators for certain shots and not others. We do get a few scenes with practical effects that don’t seem to make any anatomical sense at all, which for me, actually made this “more fun”. Again, I am not going to movies for realism, especially not in b-movies.

When it comes to the pacing this one always stays pretty interesting, but I like that they had several sequences that offered character development because even though we get some likable characters, it would have been nice to see them given a bit more depth. I did notice there are subtle nods to both the movie ALLIGATOR and JURASSIC WORLD. 

Overall CROC! gets a 3 out of 7, I would definitely watch it again for an ALLIGATORS WILL EAT YOUR FACE OFF marathon. This movie is considered horror, but the cheesy CGI makes it almost too comical to cause fear.
 

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