COCAINE COUGAR (2023)

COCAINE COUGAR (2023)

Tagline: Nope.

(Comedy, Thriller, Some Please Come Get Your Cat) [R]

Note: On streaming services, this movie is listed as TV-MA which is the TV equivalent of the MPA’s [R] rating. So that is why I slapped a [R] up there. 

You mean a cougar, like Mrs. Lynch down the hallway, is that who you are talking about?

So the plot of this movie is basically that a cougar high on cocaine escapes a lab and starts terrorizing the area. This cougar doesn’t care if you have coke or not. It will kill you anyway. That’s it. That’s the plot. There is very little dialog that really goes anywhere or has anything to do with anything.

At just 65 minutes long, this thing is actually barely a movie. It seems like they put more effort into the poster than anything else. There are a lot of scenes where people are just doing random things and walking around then suddenly they are attacked. There is only one scene where there is a tiny bit of a conversation between Bob and Gloria where she is jealous of Bob thinking he wants to cheat on her. This is the one bit of humor I found in this movie when it comes to dialog. The rest of the writing seems like it was thrown together by 5 people riding public transportation at 3 am in the morning. 

Oddly in spite of its flaws, this thing is actually better than COCAINE SHARK. At the very least it does seem like they meant to make this movie and cocaine is mentioned. The production of this thing is really bad and the acting is pretty much non-existent? If anyone stood out at all it's Gloria Goldman as Gloria, but her time on screen is maybe 3 minutes. 

One thing that kind of bugged me is that we never see a real cougar in this. All of the cougar shots are CGI. Back in the 80’s they got cougar footage for VOYAGE OF THE ROCK ALIENS and you couldn’t at least get a real cougar for a few shots? Come on guys. 

If there is anything good here, it’s the fact that it gets a bit VELOCIPASTOR-level fantastic towards the end. The CGI of the running cougar is one of the most hilarious things I have seen in a while. So hats off for that. I also actually liked both the soundtrack and the score. The opening song is a bit “monster music”, but it all works pretty well. 

Unfortunately, it appears either they ran out of money or they realized they really didn’t have a story or even consistent character plot lines so they just decided to abandon the movie before it even had an ending. That’s right, this freakin movie doesn’t even end. It just stops right when things start getting nuts. 

As much as I love to support indie movies, do not pay to see this thing. Maybe then in the future SCS ENTERTAINMENT will start encouraging an environment where someone checks the script to see if it’s any good and had an ending before they try making a movie. 

Overall this is a 2 out of 7, because it’s just a really bad movie and not in a good way for most of its run time, but the last 15 minutes or so are actually pretty fun. It’s also mercifully short, so there’s that.

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