2025 ARMAGEDDON (2022)

2025 ARMAGEDDON (2022)

Tagline: Welcome to the Multiverse 

(Action, Sci-Fi, Bargain Basement CGI) [PG-13]

Note: This movie wasn’t given an MPAA rating, but it likely would have been a PG-13. 

All the monsters we are seeing…are from movies on this list…

If there is anything you can take to the bank about THE ASYLUM studios is that they really just don’t care and never have. In the trailer and posters, they are kind of making this sound like it’s a multiverse movie. It’s not a multiverse movie if you look at THE ASYLUM as one giant cluster of glorious nonsense. The plot is actually much closer to the situation we had in PIXELS than anything else. What does that tell you? It tells you THE ASYLUM doesn’t care. To be honest, I am glad they don’t care. Someone needs to just throw caution to the wind and make whatever they want even if they are stealing concepts from every sci-fi flick they can. Most of their movies are direct-to-video and in my opinion, it’s a “no harm no foul” type situation because they are not directly competing with major studios. They provide jobs to a lot of actors and actresses other studios overlooked or won’t work with right now. I’m fine with all of it, but what do I know. Oh yeah. I should probably be giving you a plot right about now.

This one oddly revolves around two sisters that really got into ASYLUM flicks because their grandma doesn’t care. She literally does not even care. Both girls grow up to be really into science and military stuff and ultimately end up parting ways. Dr. Quinn Ramsey is in charge of a project sending stuff into space, while her sister Ltc. Madoyln Webb ends up in charge of a battleship (because what else could you want to do with your life). One of the signals Dr. Quinn is working with ends up triggering a militant alien race to begin attacking Earth with all the monsters they can from an ASYLUM movie channel lineup. You read that right, THE ASYLUM is using its 25TH Anniversary to make a movie that tells you it’s a publicity stunt. One of the characters just comes right out and tells us to our faces. Gotta love the transparency here.  

Acting wise if I had my way Sarah Lieving would just be in every movie THE ASYLUM puts out, but alas, that isn’t how it’s worked out. She did however get the call for this one. She takes on the role of Gretchen Willis and doesn’t get a ton of screen time, but it’s always cool to see her in one of these flicks and she does minimal overacting in this. She can’t save every movie she’s in. BIG BAD BUGS for instance was pretty bad. Also, in spite of all my praise of THE ASYLUM not caring, it doesn’t mean they don’t put out unwatchable crap. Lindsey Marie Wilson takes on the role of Dr. Quinn and she is also pretty decent in this. I feel like this was a more inspired performance than her efforts in BULL SHARK and SHARK SIDE OF THE MOON. I think the underlying tension between her and Jhey Castles who plays her sister Ltc. Madoyln Webb adds a bit of depth to this. When I say “bit of depth” I mean…” not very much depth”. Jhey is fine in this but isn’t going to blow anyone away, that just simply isn’t what this cast was asked to do. Anthony Jensen actually takes his role seriously as Adam Forster in this which helps a bit, but they might have been better off going with a full-blown comedic style. Phillip Andre Botello delivers what I consider the best performance in the movie as Aaron Farmer. I haven’t seen him in anything else and after reading some of the synopsis from those films, I am kind of glad. 

I am not going to say that all of the CGI in this movie is bad. We do get a couple of decent shots towards the beginning, but when it’s bad, it’s really bad. The practical effects are very bad though. Honestly, they were doing better stuff with practical effects in the ’50s. What is kind of a downer in this is the score and there is not really a soundtrack to speak of. There are a lot of scenes where this film feels like it’s pushing us forward in one of those shopping carts at the grocery store with a stuck wheel. Outside of a shark sequence that is less than a minute, there is a huge chunk of about 55 minutes where all we see are people talking in a couple different buildings. 

I wish I had better things to say here. This thing is just pretty freaking dull for a movie that was supposed to give us a lot of the ASYLUM monsters, we really only get a few very brief sequences of that. The movie feels rushed, disjointed, and unfinished.

I love crappy movies, but wow…this one gets a 2 out of 7 and this is coming from a guy that has affection for this kind of nonsense. It’s actually worse than last year’s APE VS MONSTER. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF THE ASYLUM AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY.