THE BIG EMPTY (2003)

THE BIG EMPTY (2003)

Tagline: Cowboys. Aliens. Blue suitcases and bowling balls. Strange things are happening out in the middle of nowhere.

(Comedy, Drama, Aliens Maybe?) [R]

Well, the lake bed is a jump station for U.F.O.s. It’s where they come to abduct travelers and leave others behind. It’s kind of like an interplanetary truck stop. A gateway, a crossover. 

In this one, John Person is an actor who can’t get any work. Desperate he agrees to be paid $27,000 to drop a suitcase off in the middle of the nowhere to a cowboy. 

Most of this movie happens at a motel that looks like it’s in a little town like Quartzite, AZ, or someplace like that. It’s loaded with stars like Jon Favreau (IRON MAN 2) who plays the lead John Person and does a decent job but is basically playing himself. Joey Lauren Adams (CHASING AMY) is fine but barely gets any lines in this. Daryl Hannah appears as Stella and is okay, Rachael Leigh Cook (SHE'S ALL THAT) takes on the role of Ruthie and does a pretty good job. It’s weird seeing her play something where she is using an accent. Jon Gries (NAPOLEON DYNAMITE) also plays a pretty interesting character and kills it. Sean Bean (PIXELS) plays the cowboy in this and uses his regular accent, which probably sounds better than if he had tried to go with a cowboy accent. Then finally we have a Kelsey Grammer appearance as Agent Banks. His role in this is pretty great given his demeanor in nearly everything else. 

The downside of this movie is that even with a pretty great cast, it drags on and on and doesn’t really go anywhere for a long time. It gets about an hour in before it feels like the plot starts to go anywhere. There is a scene in the desert where the lighting is just incredible and it’s set at night, so everything kind of has an eerie feel. I think cinematically this was the only strong point in the film. Everything else is very “movie of the week” looking. I found the ending to be about as dissatisfying as this movie could have been after boring the crap out of me for so long. We never really get an explanation of what the crap happened. 

So left up to the audience to decide what they think of this thing, I just have to say I feel like it wasted an hour and 34 minutes of my life. With the exception of the 3 minutes Kelsey Grammar was on screen, the rest just comes across as being total nonsense. At that one is left to try and embrace what they want to put into the film but this movie isn’t nearly as well executed as or nearly as interesting as some of the reviews would have you think. I am not going to go as far as to say that I hated it, but it comes across as something you would see in a 9 to 10-minute short film on the streaming service DUST. Then if they tried to sell that story to the “Twilight Zone” or “Tales From The Darkside”, it would just get rejected. 

I hope everyone got paid well for this, but if they didn’t, let this be a lesson, that if the script doesn’t make sense to you. All the rubber bands in the world can’t hold together a plot that simply goes nowhere. You would be better off picking a film like BURYING YASMEEN which I also didn’t love, but at least that thing made a bit more sense. 

Overall this one gets a 3 out of 7. I can’t recommend it even for some of the better performances. It’s like watching a hodgepodge of ideas that never deliver a strike. I purposely used a bowling term because yes, in some inexplicable way, this freaking movie is somehow bowling-related. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF ECHO LAKE ENTERTAINMENT AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY.