BLADES (1986)

BLADES (1986)

Tagline: Golf - A Game of Hooks, Slices, and ... Slaughter

(Horror, Comedy, Killer Greens Keeper) [R]

In this one, we get an old-school lawn mower that just wants to see the world burn. This thing takes on all golfers and anyone else trying to stand in its way. That’s it. That is what’s going on in this thing. It’s a golf course lawn mower and it’s out to get you.

So, in the more interesting corners of the internet, you can find lists of the craziest things that are trying to kill you. Almost always JACK FROST is going to be on that list along with movies like RUBBER and LEPRECHAUN, but we also have other crazy things like pants in SLAXX, tomatoes in ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES and even donuts in ATTACK OF THE KILLER DONUTS, but some of the nuttiest stuff goes back to the ’80s and BLADES is no exception. While we do see movies where a lawn mower is used to kill someone, this is the only “living” lawn mower movie I am aware of. 

This one is supposed to be a comedy, but it’s not slapstick nonsense like some are, they are trying to give us horror via parody or just straight up trying to show us a movie that is essentially JAWS only on a golf course and instead of a shark we get a lawn mower. Because of that, if you didn’t see JAWS and tried to watch this you are going to miss a lot of the goofy nods, but even where this movie is trying to be funny, it actually “feels” too serious. If I was going to do a deadly lawn mower movie, I certainly would have come up with more hair-brained stuff than this movie does. 

One major issue with this one is that it has a giant 45-minute or so-long “Let’s fall asleep, and hope this gets better” section. Acting wise everyone is “just okay”. The movie's main star is Robert North who plays Roy Kent thought to be a washed-up golfer who happens to be hanging out at the course due to a big tournament coming up. This was actually Robert North’s only movie. We also get a lot of Victoria Scott who plays Kelly Lange. She is kind of the Virginia Venit character from HAPPY GILMORE, only she’s in this thing. Oddly, when it comes to the main cast Jeremy Whelan actually had the most acting experience, and even though he was only in 6 movies, this one being the last of the 6. He was best known for THE BEASTMASTER. 

The move overall though is entertaining enough especially when viewed through the “oh, this is just JAWS redone” lens. We also get a pretty decent and pretty crazy last 15 minutes when we finally get a decent look at this speedy slaughter machine. They even give us a scene where Deke is trying to explain how he thinks this all came about. One thing about the film that isn’t immediately noticeable is the fact that no one seems to care that this is a lawn mower we are talking about doing all the killing. Everyone hilariously but subtly approaches it like “killer lawn mowers” are actually pretty common. 

Overall this is one of the more oddball of the oddball 80’s horror flicks…even the comedies. I have to give this one a 4 out of 7. It’s definitely more fun than a lot of other stuff from the era, especially if you have recently seen JAWS. 

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