LIGHTYEAR (2022)

LIGHTYEAR (2022)

Tagline: You would think it would be obvious, but nope.

(Animation, Sci-fi, Time Travel) [PG]

Oh. Well, that's... very considerate of you... robot feline, but no thank you.

In this one Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear ends up making a mistake that crashes a giant ship with hundreds (or more) of people on it stranding them on a planet he and Alisha Hawthorne (also a Space Ranger) deemed un-inhabitable. He spends years trying to attempt a return home based on perfecting the fuel source needed to do that. Each time he returns the rest of the crew left on the planet ages years (because he’s been gone that long), but he hasn't aged at all. Upon one of his returns to add to the predicament, Alisha is now dead and the planet is inhabited by killer robots led by a mysterious figure known as Zurg. Can Buzz finally complete his mission or will Star Command be forced to make due on a planet they’d rather leave? 

Oh man, where to start with this damn thing. To be clear, I freakin love the idea of Buzz Lightyear getting his own movie. In fact, back in 2000-2001 we actually had a fantastic and underrated show on Disney called “Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command”, it featured the amazing voice talents of the likes of Frank Welker (Scooby-Doo!), Patrick Warburton or Tim Allen (Buzz Lightyear) depending on the version you watched, Adam Carolla (WRECK-IT RALPH) and more. The design work was amazing and Lightyear actually had a full team of rangers that were all bada-s. Does Lightyear offer any of that? 

Let’s start with the good. What I like about this movie is the design work. Zurg looks great and it’s probably a better design than we got in the 2000 cartoon or in the TOY STORY movies. We also get some cool robot designs. I also have to say Chris Evans actually pulls the voice work off in this film really well. SOX is also a decent character, but ultimately it’s just a rehashed K-2SO throwback to ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY with a cat robot instead. 

Where this thing falls off the freakin cliff. For starters, in place of all the awesome characters we had in the cartoon I would at least expect some new awesome characters. That is what we are doing here right? NOPE. We don’t get that. While Izzy Hawthorne (voiced by Keke Palmer) is likable, her character isn’t that exciting. She’s basically just worshipping Buzz the entire movie. The other two sidekicks they give us are pretty stock, and it really just falls flat. Instead of a cool “Star Command” team, we get basically the guys you would find at the grocery store for a pickup game of shuffleboard. I am normally all for rag-tag, “luck your way to victory” stories, but then we get some time travel vomit in this flick and after a decent first half of the movie, everything just gets blown to dumpster fire proportions. It’s almost as if someone in the writer’s room was like, you know what, “I can’t stand my life, how can I completely ruin this movie fast”. 

I won’t go into how bad it gets, but basically, there is a paradox in this film that makes LOOPER seem like it made sense. Nothing in this movie really connects, nothing really makes sense, and there is no effort to even bother explaining it. If your kids are operating with enough cognitive function to grasp what’s going on, they will likely be as “what the actual crap” as I was. 

I am often the apologist for this kind of stuff because I am a “fan first” in all of my reviews. I know I am not the target audience here, but for the love of humanity, skip this pc cesspool of snot slime and try to find the “Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command” from 2000 instead. Better yet, cancel your Disney + subscription until they start churning out stuff that is actually of quality and has some sort of real solid moral fiber. 

I have to give this thing a 2 out of 7. This is a low point for Disney putting out a movie that is at its core pro-suicide, and this time they managed to drag PIXAR along for the ride. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF WALT DISNEY PICTURES AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY. 

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