THE LOCH NESS TERROR (1982)

THE LOCH NESS TERROR (1982)

Tagline: It is alive!

(Horror, Adventure, Dumb Teenagers) [PG]

Oh, forgive an old man's indulgence, I was just thinking of the different paths men choose for themselves, you George the scientist, who would find Nessie, analyze her, scrutinize her, cut her up, write your technical papers, and explain her all away, all in the name of science, perhaps that's good, and you Colonel, destroy her to hide your shameful secret, me, well, I suppose I would leave her be, and not let her mystery unravel for another fourteen-hundred years.

In this one, a scientist shows up in Scotland to do some surveying of the Loch Ness. Meanwhile, a crazy Professor brings two men up to the Loch Ness down to find the monster, when they run across the Loch Ness monster, but find one of her eggs instead. Nessie is pissed and one by one people start ending up dead. On top of all that a group of teens has arrived to learn about the Loch Ness monster from Professor George Sanderson while learning about the area. Everyone is about to get more than they bargained for…

Shot in Lake Tahoe this movie actually has some beautiful scenery that made me want to visit the area. Unfortunately, this horror flick unwillingly falls into the category of laughable. In some ways, this is wildly enjoyable and in some ways, it’s just really bad. 

First off let’s get to the acting. It’s mostly bad, but what makes it worse is that it seems like no one in this movie is really Scottish and the accents are all bizarrely horrible. The biggest offenders are Miki McKenzie who is best known for being on the TV show CHIPS, but equally terrible is Doc Livingston who plays the father of McKenzie in the film. I am sure they both have had better efforts outside of this movie. We do get a decent performance out of Sandy Kenyon who plays Professor George Sanderson, but everyone else is pretty forgettable and a lot of the characters get introduced or shown, but we never see them again. 

This movie is just all kinds of jacked out and I really wish we had gotten a better script, or notorious b-movie director Larry Buchanan had the foresight to turn this into a comedy. The movie itself is near bloodless and it’s extremely hard to be frightened by a Loch Ness monster that looks like it escaped from a Mc Donald’s Play Place. 

Oddly a few things are successful. There are a few moments in here that feel extremely 80’s and they do capture the “creepy forest” feeling from. They did bring in a couple of 80’s jerks to fill in the “but somehow they are going to win over the girl” moments but in that regard, it feels like half a film with a bunch of crazy and bad plot thrown in. I mean somehow this movie involves Nazis and a military cover all up? It’s all very bizarre and not in a good way. 

If you are in for a horror movie a-thon with young teens or just want a laugh as people get dragged around the forest screaming once in a while, this is the movie for you. It is part of the Midnight Madness VHS movie collection. 

I give this thing a 2 out of 7. I could see myself watching it again just for the laughs, so it’s not the worst of the worst, but it is bargain bin dollar store nonsense. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF M&M FILMS AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY. 

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