THE CHILDREN (1980)

THE CHILDREN (1980)

Tagline: Something terrifying has happened to the children... pray you never meet them!

(Horror, Sci-Fi, Little Suzi’s On The Up) [R]

I just don't know how Leslie's gonna take it when I tell her Tommy's missing.

In this one, a nuclear plant leak turns five kids on a bus into toxic zombies with radioactive properties that can kill by touch. Sheriff Billy Hart and his deputy must find a way to stop the killings. 

The score is very good which makes sense. It was done by the guy who did the score for FRIDAY THE 13TH the same year. The pacing is pretty good, and the effects are gnarly, but not that realistic (that’s how we know it’s the 80’s).  

With the exception of brief nudity in one scene and the vehicles, a black-and-white version of this would have fit perfectly alongside 50’s sci-fi horror. That is a good thing but there isn’t much to celebrate here after that. Most of these characters aren’t even likable. John’s wife Cathy needed psychiatric help even before her daughter turned into a radioactive killer. On second thought, so does John, dude is a total jerk. How is Cathy’s son sleeping through gunshots? What is going on in this thing? I hear a gunshot from a block away and I am like...” Well that’s not good”. There is a crazy scene in this where some lady gets excited that children are missing because nothing exciting ever happens in their town. What the cow?

Acting-wise, Martin Shakar (INVASION U.S.A.) definitely gets the most lines as John Freeman. He plays a massive jerk in this, but he’s a pretty versatile actor still getting roles to this day. Gale Garnett (MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING) plays Cathy. Garnett does what she is asked to do, but nothing stood out about this role outside of the fact that it was one of her few horror films. Gil Rogers (LUTHER THE GEEK) is good as Sheriff Billy Heart. He plays the only character I like. Jeptha Evans plays one of the creepier zombie kids Paul. Apparently, he either decided to get out of acting after this film, or no one was impressed with this role. I thought he did fine. Clara Evans plays Jenny and also never appeared in another film. Joy Glaccum plays Suzie and does a decent job. Unlike the other kids I mentioned, Glaccum did appear in THE PROWLER which was an iconic slasher made in 1981. There are two other kid zombies that get less screen time. 

This is the movie that taught us when you are tired, you are not radioactive, and that smoking when you are pregnant is no big deal. For the record, I am 100% sure both of those lessons are crap. 

Unfortunately, this plot doesn’t make any sense. It’s bonkers in bad ways. Observationally, $20 a day was apparently a big deal in 1980. The minimum wage was $3.10 an hour so working for almost 7 hours would earn you that without taxes. This isn’t a big point in the movie, but it got my attention because wages don’t seem to come up that much in horror flicks.  

The effects were ’80s cheese, but in a movie where kids are the killers, you probably don’t want it to be super realistic. The subject matter is crazy enough. The ending is pretty much as bad as the ending of FRIDAY THE 13TH: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN. 

Overall THE CHILDREN gets a 3 out of 7. It’s definitely weird and semi-unique with a “toxic crispy critter” angle, but the ending is wildly unsatisfying as mentioned. 

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