THE ZERO BOYS (1986)

THE ZERO BOYS (1986)

Tagline: Dawn of A New Breed of Heroes.

(Horror, Terror, Just an Average Night in the 80s) [R]

Note: This movie was never given an MPA rating (Formerly the MPAA), but it definitely would have landed an [R] if it were released today. This movie was filmed on the same set as FRIDAY THE 13TH PART III. 

How good were you in anthropology? 

Remember that time I told you that all of the original ideas either came out of the 1980s, The Twilight Zone, or an episode of Doctor Who. Well, this thing is a perfect example of that. Pretty much every slasher flick that ended up coming out where someone made a WRONG TURN or ended up dealing with some deranged Hillbilly’s probably won’t admit it, but they likely borrowed the idea from this freakin thing. 

THE ZERO BOYS are a paintball team that competes with locals in competition. One day they win against a group that is led by a total jerk named Casey who actually promised the winners they could hang out with his girlfriend Jamie for the day. She ends up so pissed that she decides to go with THE ZERO BOYS anyway. That night they decide to shack up at a house in the woods. Little do they know that the owners haven’t left, and they are sadistic hillbilly killers. Can THE ZERO BOYS and the girls they are with survive a real game of survival? It’s a horror movie, so the answer is definitely no.

First off, I can’t stand Trish or Larry in this. They remind me of the couple in high school that stayed together for several years but never stopped fighting in front of everyone. Outside of that, the rest of the group is likable. I have always been fond of Kelli Maroney who plays Jamie in this, so whenever she shows up in something I am very likely to watch it. Fortunately, in the 80’s she had several hits that included NIGHT OF THE COMET and CHOPPING MALL. 

There are some interesting things about this movie, but one of them is that one of the killers looks a lot like an Emilio Estevez stunt double. The other weird thing is that the only person we are told is a Jew in the movie is Casey. Casey wears a Nazi outfit during the opening paintball sequence when he gets shots. Seems like a really stupid oversight on the part of the writers. Either that or Nico Mastorakis who was still writing screenplays as of 2020, was purposely being a total fool when he wrote this. There is also a pretty crazy sequence where Jamie says THE ZERO BOYS are some kind of Nazis because they have modified guns, but I am going to chalk this up to be slang because anyone that thinks owning a gun or a modified one makes you are Nazi needs to stay out of the liquor cabinet.  

Acting wise everyone is pretty solid, especially for a movie that never even got a theatrical release in America. Daniel Hirsch does a great job as Steve and did end up doing 7 more movies after this up until 2008. Crystal Carson is fine as Trish, but like I said, her character is annoying. Carson has a movie coming out in 2024, so perhaps she’s gone on the better roles. Actually, scratch that, she was also in KILLER TOMATOES STRIKE BACK! so who really knows. Tom Shell (EVIL LAUGH) is annoying but does a decent job in this. I did like Nicole Rio (SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE) who plays Sue, along with Kelli Maroney, her performance is the most even. Jared Moses is also pretty decent but only appeared in 2 movies in his entire career. 

Overall this ends up being a pretty brutal horror flick that ramps up as it moves along in some pretty unexpected ways. If you are already an 80s horror fan, this is probably going to be your thing because you likely are not bothered by movies that aren’t trying to babysit anyone's sensibilities. 

THE ZERO BOYS gets a 4 out of 7 but could have been higher if some of the writing wasn’t so terrible. One thing I like about 80s horror is that you usually get a moral lesson. The lesson in this one is don’t squat at people’s houses. Seems pretty simple. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF OMEGA ENTERTAINMENT AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY.