CLINGER (2015)

CLINGER (2015)

Tagline: As if breakups weren't messy enough...

(Horror, Comedy, Dysfunctional Relationships) [R]

Note: This movie did not get an MPAA rating, but I am going to say it would have gotten an [R]. 

I can’t believe I almost married him, I should really rethink my life…

In this one a girl named Fern ends up dislocating her shoulder during track practice. The only person there is Robert and he is able to relocate her shoulder. The two quickly hit it off, but Robert is extremely overbearing, and as much as Fern wants to hold on to her first love, she is about to break up with him when Robert is beheaded in a freak accident. He later returns from the dead as a love ghost, but Fern doesn’t want to stay with Robert. He then determines the only way they can stay together is if he kills her. 

First off there is a lot of so-called humor in this that doesn’t really land. It has some of the same issues FREAKY did in the sense that anything funny is kind of ruined a few minutes later. The other problem is that as much as I dug June Laporte as Fern in this and a few other members of the cast, the script is just very rough and some of the cast members just don’t keep up with the rest. That causes the film to feel uneven almost like it was directed by multiple people and then spliced together after the fact. 

Looking for the good stuff in this, like I mentioned, I really liked June Laporte as Fern. Her Sister Kelsey played by Julia Aks is actually pretty awesome in this. She gets most of the funny lines in the film and that’s saying a lot because this movie has maybe 8 funny lines. I also liked Alicia Monet Caldwell (SAMURAI COP 2: DEADLY VENGENCE) in this. She plays Valeria, Fern’s track coach and she handles the role with perfection. This is also a decent outing for Shonna Major who plays Moe. I have no idea what Shonna is up to these days, but this was her last film. The other thing that is pretty solid about this thing is the effects. For a low-budget film, they did a pretty outstanding job with what they had to work with. We also get a pretty decent score in the places where it needs to be to ratchet up the tension for the final act.

What I didn’t like about this thing is some of the cast and some of the concepts. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone that might accidentally watch this thing, but the sequences I am talking about will be very noticeable. I did not like Vincent Martella in this as Robert. Vincent has gone on to do a lot of voice work since this movie came out, but for some reason, he and this role just didn’t work as far as I am concerned. I also didn’t like Vincent Martella in this. He plays Harlan and I just feel like he mailed in his performance. He wasn’t the only one, but his effort was one of the roughest. 

There are a lot of things I would have changed about this script but overall it’s not a completely terrible watch for a horror flick marathon to lighten things up if you are watching a lot of really dark stuff. This isn’t overly dark, it is pretty gory though, so if you are like me, that isn’t a plus. There is nothing glaringly great or glaring terrible about this movie, but the dialog between Fern and Robert is so janky that it actually knocks the score down for me. 

Overall this one gets a 3 out of 7. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF CLINGER THE MOVIE AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY.