APEX PREDATORS (2021)

APEX PREDATORS (2021)

Tagline: Nope. 

(Action, Sharks, What The Cow?) [R]

Note: This movie was never given a MPA rating. It likely would have gotten an [R]. On steaming services, it is given a TV-MA.

In this one we are taken to a beach in California where people are starting to wash up on the beach chomped to pieces just before a new resort is about to open up. Then we get a jumbled mess of stock footage, random people trying to get weed, girls fighting with their boyfriends, and bosses getting mad at their employees. That is pretty much it. I freakin double-dog dare someone to bother to write up more of a plot out of this thing than what I just wrote (sarcasm). 

Okay okay, there is actually a really weak story about a scientist trying to figure out what is going on and one dude’s ex-girlfriend trying to ruin his new relationship, but to be honest, it all gets lost in how crappy this thing is. Oh yeah, there is a mutating shark movie here somewhere, but it’s definitely an afterthought. 

Dear readers, I implore you to never watch this movie unless you are on an absolute quest to see every shark movie ever made and refuse to skip the absolute trash films. This movie is bottom 3 out of what I’ve seen so far, so that puts it as about 59 out of 60. I have 61 movies on my list, but I can’t say I actually watched HOUSE SHARK because that movie almost killed me. 

If you watch a lot of WILD EYE, you have seen pretty bad acting. It seems like this movie almost purposely tried to make something worse than what both WILD EYE and the Polonia Brothers are putting out there. I don’t have anything against Brinke Stevens (who has 33 projects on the way as of today), but her role in this gives her maybe 5 minutes of screen time as Dr. Charlene Brinkman. She is probably best known for THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE. Instead of giving this thing an actual story, we end up with a bunch of people walking around on the beach, shots of the bay, and a really stupid conversation between two dudes getting high. It’s just really wildly stupid. We also get some bad acting from Thom Michael Mulligan who plays Dr. Juke Westwin. I only mention him because he is in this crazy scene where we are told that sharks, dogs, and cats have ESP. This is one of only two sequences in the entire movie where they say what might be attracting sharks to the area. 

This thing features crazy stuff like a woman getting pushed off a dock into what seems like the ocean. The boyfriend freaks out, but then they cut to a completely different scene of a dead man on the beach. A few scenes later she’s just totally back to normal? We also get some really bad direction in this with long shots of stuff that doesn’t mean anything to the film. Shot choices like “fish tank”, “ceiling fan”, and “cat” are all in the same sequence, which just eats up about a minute of time for no real reason at all. We get several minutes of what looks like someone just shooting film at an aquarium of sharks about the size of a vacuum cleaner. What the cow? 

On top of all the other issues, this movie also features one of the worst soundtracks of all time and the score is also incredibly inadequate. No one in this movie has any character development and we really don’t even see a shark that could be worthy of everyone freaking out till the very last sequence. The shark in the final scene as weird as the effects are, is most certainly the biggest shark in film history. Having said that this movie just ends really abruptly. 

Like with WILD EYE, we do have a decent poster here, but this whole movie is an insult to shark movie lovers and I hate saying that because there are some other really bad ones, but at least WILD EYE gives you shark attacks, even if they are bad ones. 

Sorry – this thing gets a 0 out of 7. 

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