CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011)

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011)

Conan is in a village that gets over run by an evil warlord that even Hellboy (quite literally Ron Perlman) can’t fight off. He grows up and now wants revenge. In the meantime he gets attacked by a bunch of other evil guys and some warriors basically made of sand.

For having a more than stellar line up (I mentioned Ron Perlman) with Rose McGowan (CHARMED, PLANET TERROR) and Rachel Nichols (GI JOE – the good one, not the new crappy one), this movie really never lives up to the legend. It doesn’t even really live up to a lot of B movies with far far less of a budget to work with. It feels like the most boring parts of the show HERCULES : THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS during a good 100 minutes of this.

I am not sure exactly how far into filming that everyone decided this wasn’t going to be anything to write home about. CONAN is one of those films that I was really rooting for and would have loved to see the reboot work. Unfortunately unless this was an intended “we are holding back for part II” effort, I don’t see how we get another CONAN film in the next say 10 years.

I rarely walk out of a Lionsgate movie wanting to never write a review of the film. This is the case here. For fans of the genre you are better off getting in a time machine and going directly back to the 80’s. People will try to tell you this was better than the older versions but even for the most diehard Rose McCowan or Ron Perlman fans, this is about as disappointing as THE GREEN LANTERN was for DC fans.

I give this movie a 2 out of 7 despite that we have a far above average cast. Rating Definition : 2 out of 7 – EHH, this movie was not good and you know it. You kind of wish you hadn’t paid to see it or allowed that chick in the deli to talk you into taking her. Once the bad taste in your mouth is washed out, you won’t think this is the worst movie ever, but you will think it was close.