NIGHTBEAST (1982)

NIGHTBEAST (1982)

Tagline: If you have guts...He Wants Them!

(Horror, Sci-Fi, Don’t Call Me Bernie) [R]

You do yourself a favor you cancel this party and you get yourself and Mary Jane the hell out of this town.

In this one, we have one of the simplest premises ever. Without rhyme, purpose, or reason, an alien crashes in a small town and starts killing everyone it sees.  Watch out man, because this freaking alien is coming… and it hasn’t brushed its teeth in 116 years. It doesn’t even care who you are. If you are just a kid, that’s too bad. So grab your popcorn because 6 feet of bulletproof mayhem is coming to your screen. 

First off, this movie is kind of a William’s, AZ vs. the killer mascot for a motorcycle range suit retailer situation. It’s also loaded with oddities. One lady in this movie has such good hearing she can hear you running towards her house from outside, with all the doors and windows shut. All while a dude is making out with her. She’s gotta be somebody’s mom because only moms have hearing that bionic. It’s also odd that they fired a million bullets at this alien after finding out it’s clearly bulletproof. 

The acting in this movie is very close to non-existent. Everyone is just kind of reading their lines or reading them loudly with almost no emotion. Tom Griffith (THE ALIEN FACTOR) plays Sheriff Cinder and does a terrible job. It’s actually glorious because if anyone was doing any real acting in this movie, it might have ruined it. Karin Kardian plays Lisa Kent in this. She is just okay, but apparently not "just okay" enough to ever do another movie. This is the only movie she ever appeared in as an actress to my knowledge. Jamie Zemarel oddly plays a dude also named Jamie. Unlike Lisa, he did appear in other films and even an episode of “As The World Turns”. George Stover who plays Steven in this does okay I guess, he is most famous for this movie probably be he’s been in over 110 productions as an actor. It looks like he’s recently gotten into producing and is attached to CRACKOON. CRACKOON is a movie being made to try and capitalize on the success of COCAINE BEAR, but I think that ship has probably already sailed. 

The score is actually decent, as it turns out it was done by JJ. Abrams. He would later go on to direct SUPER 8. In that movie, the kids make a Super 8 movie called “The Case” that uses the same deadpan acting style as this film.

Not really sure why they added this Drago drama with his ex-girlfriend and the dude who is currently dating her. I am guessing they really just never fleshed out the dialogue after “alien crashes and kills everyone”. I will say that the fight between Jamie and Drago is really hysterical. 

The way they defeat this alien is pretty cliché. Just once I want to see a movie where they feed the alien chocolate-covered corn nuts or something and it starts melting or whatever. 

Overall this is a pretty crazy flick that is probably better if you like monster horror and are just really expecting mostly terrible acting and a bad plot with a few funny lines. It is certainly not meant to be taken seriously. 

NIGHTBEAST gets a 4 out of 7, just because it’s really bonkers and it’s exactly what I’d expect out of B-movie horror. 

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