SHARKULA (2022)

SHARKULA (2022)

Tagline: This vacation really bites.

(Action,  Horror, Worst Effects Ever) [PG]

Note: This movie wasn’t given an MPAA rating, but I think it would have gotten a PG. When it comes to shark movies or maybe even movies in general, Polonia Brothers Entertainment is the bottom of the barrel or really trying to be. 

In this one, Dracula is running a small town with super strict rules and shark feedings to “Sharkula”. Essentially “Sharkula” is a shark with bat wings that Dracula serves. When two dock workers named Arthur and John roll into town. They begin to question the local historian named Nina about all the weird restrictions their new boss Dracula has imposed. As secrets get exposed, it becomes apparent the pair and Nina must stop “Sharkula” with an unlikely ally.  

First off, the effects in this movie are just as bad as the ones we get in SHARK ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND and worse. It’s literally like they were done by a 13-year-old kid on Windows 10, using the PAINT program. It’s that damn bad. As I mentioned, the shark in this has wings making it just ridiculously painful to look at. So what actually works in this movie?

What I liked about this movie was that we have some likable characters. Everyone is crappy acting-wise in this movie, but Arthur, John, and Nina (played by Jamie Morgan who is the best of the bad in this) are all people I was hoping would not die. The only great thing about this movie is the poster. I may have said this before, but the Polonia Brothers are well adept at making garbage movies with amazing posters. This movie is another one of those. We also get a couple of funny lines in this. It’s a subtle message that the producers know they are serving us up just a giant heaping pile of nonsense with as minimal effort as possible. 

What makes this movie suck is that the camera work is horrendous. I could stick a camera on my dog Firefly’s head and get a better movie than whatever the heck this camera guy was trying to do. Sorry, but damn, you have to put at least a minimal amount of effort in. On top of that, every other character aside from Arthur, John, and Nina is vomit-inducing. I could not wait for these people to just end up shark bait. We have random fire dancing and vampire people just clipped into this film and it looks like those segments were from a completely different movie. They seem to have zero connection to this one. 

The Dracula in this movie is the worst I have ever seen on screen. The actor Jeff Kirkendall (who has managed to be in 56 movies to date)is wearing a normal t-shirt under his seemingly store-bought Dracula outfit. In some scenes, SHARKULA is clearly a puppet and in other scenes, the above-water shark fin is very Styrofoam-looking. We have a scene where it’s clearly daylight and the actor says he wants to go out at night. I am fine with day for night shots usually, but this movie actually had some night filming, so just shooting that scene at night would have been at least a minor, minor attention to detail. Then finally we have a backstory in the movie where Dracula is explaining his connection to Sharkula and Dracula gets stabbed. The blood in that scene is ridiculously animated for some inexplicable reason. 

Sorry, I am all out of things to say on this one. I couldn’t stand this movie. This movie is a 1 out of 7 because of the few funny lines but aside from that, it’s not worth watching even if it’s free. If you happen to be collecting shark movie posters, maybe just get the poster, but run..run from this terrible flick like it’s a Wal-Mart mob on Black Friday.

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF POLONIA BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY. 

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