TEENAGE SPACE VAMPIRES (1999)
Tagline: On a Mission to Take the Place...of the Human Race.
(Sci-Fi, Action, Bloodsucking Fiends from Outer Space) [PG].
Well, we lost by default, because Jesse here, bit the ref.
In this one, Bill Swenson sees a mysterious object in his town that has a couple of gargoyles by it and looks alien. As it turns out the object is actually a space vampire vessel and the vampires want Earth as a new place to turn into a feeding ground and plunge into eternal darkness. It doesn’t take long before the town starts to get overrun by vampire minions. Bill enlists the help of a few friends to discover the truth behind what’s going on…and possibly save the world.
Just as a heads up, it’s not every often that I find a movie where I can’t find anyone that liked it, but this freakin thing seems to be almost universally hated. Having said that, if you read my reviews you know I am unphased by other people’s thoughts on this stuff.
What works in this movie is the vampire’s teeth and eyes. These are not supposed to be regular vampires. While I guess you could complain about how they look, at least we are told these things are from space. I wouldn’t expect them to look the same as other vampires. The eyes and teeth are definitely CGI because in some shots you can see them growing. Seems like they could have made a better choice here, but in any event, I actually liked the look of these things. The more alien-looking ones are even nuttier looking which I also thought was awesome.
Acting wise Robin Dunne (SPACE MILKSHAKE) is actually pretty decent in this. He is probably best known for playing Dr. Will Zimmerman on the TV show Sanctuary. I was less impressed by Mac Fyfe who plays Kevin. Mac has made appearances in the sci-fi shows Dark Matter and Killjoys. Lindy Booth plays Katie and does fine with the very little screen time she gets. She is best known for DAWN OF THE DEAD. The last standout is Richard Clarkin who plays Danvers. He was also in the zombie flick, LAND OF THE DEAD. Outside of Robin though, pretty much everyone seemed to be sleepwalking through this thing.
The score for this is pretty weak and I wasn’t crazy about the soundtrack. The pacing is off and this has the production quality of your basic TV show on CW. I don’t mind slow burns, but there is zero character development and a lot of the sci-fi stuff in this is poorly conceived even for a sci-fi movie so the storyline is pretty bland. You would think with a title like this, I would be jumping for joy, but I found myself checking out and just really wishing this flick would get to the point.
Overall this thing is just pretty rough, but how many movies are you going to watch that involve a vampire attack in broad daylight at a soccer game?
I have to give this one a 3 out of 7. No, it’s not as terrible as some of the reviews are saying, but it’s not solid and it’s not what I would consider good. I wouldn’t mind seeing someone take up this concept and running with it or even doing a live-action version of the AXE COP episode NIGHT MISSION: THE MOON, because that one involves not only a space vampire, but super werewolves from the moon, but as is, that episode of AXE COP is better than this entire movie and involves some similar stuff.
Okay – I’m rambling now. Go ahead and skip this one unless you really just can overcome the curiosity. In that case, then God help you because the vast majority of this movie is boring.
GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF CASTEL FILMS AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY.
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