JURASSIC ISLAND (2022)

JURASSIC ISLAND (2022)

Tagline: Nope

(Adventure, Sci-Fi, Zombies) [R]

Note:  This movie was not given an MPAA rating, but it definitely would have been an [R].

In this one, Diane gets together a group of friends who have no idea what they are doing to go look for her father. They end up on an island inhabited by dinosaurs, but it’s also infested with critters that can turn you into a ravenous bloodthirsty zombie, so good luck with all that. 

First off, a bunch of people must think that Sarah T. Cohen can actually act. She plays the lead in this Diane and for the most part, does a pretty solid job. As of the writing of this review, she has 9 movies in production or just completed, so that should tell you something. Yes, they are all b-movies, but if this damn movie had even a remotely good script and even remotely better CGI, I’d be giving a completely different review. So, in spite of this movie is absolute crap, I want to make it completely clear that it’s not Cohen’s fault. When I was mentioning to people online how bad this movie was, they didn't believe it was a real movie, they thought I was making it up because at the time the real new JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION flick had just come out. 

I like the general idea that this movie is a bit out of the box and does include some zombie-ish elements. Unfortunately, the script is basically a complete disaster and also has the issue of being a downer on top of that. The CGI is basically what you would get if Scholastic was doing some sort of “dinosaurs” educational video. It’s just very bad, even worse than THE ASYLUM or Wild Eye. It’s beyond hard to imagine how this thing got made in the year 2022. 

In addition to the horrible CGI and script, the acting is pretty rough overall aside from Sarah T. Cohen. Ray Whelan who plays Tommy also gets a lot of b-movie roles but didn’t display near the talent that Sarah has. We also had b-movie veteran Ricardo Freitas who plays Donald and does below mediocre. Then finally to round out the main cast we had Jamila Wingett who plays Cassie. I am just going to put her in the “okay” category. This definitely isn’t a movie you run to for quality, but I’ve kind of been on a “movies with the word” Jurassic” in them kick, and this was one of those that just happened to come out in 2022. 

I don’t see how this thing escapes my bottom 10 movies of 2022 list this year, but it’s been a very bad year for movies. I have zero ideas how anyone is giving this thing good ratings if they watch anything outside of the b-movie genre at all, but it must have its share of praise. As of the writing of this review, this 1-star movie is somehow getting 4.1 stars on the IMDb website. I wish this was a so-bad-its-good movie, but instead, we are getting a so-bad its bad movie. 

Outside of being in a beautiful location and Sarah T. Cohen trying to carry this thing on her shoulders, this is a movie I not only disliked, but I am also actually going to advise that people just flat out “sprint” from this thing. For me, it’s a 1 out of 7 and I haven’t given too many of those out recently. 

GRAPHICS ARE THE PROPERTY OF PROPORTION PRODUCTIONS AND ARE USED FOR REVIEW PURPOSES ONLY. 

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