FUTURE WAR (1997)
Tagline: It came from the future to hunt humans.
(Action, Fantasy, SciFi) [This movie doesn’t have a rating. It’s just so bad, I am not going to bother attempting trying to categorize it]
...I'd like to give you some big words of wisdom, but I just don't have any. My mind's blank.
In this one, a race of cyborgs has human slaves that do a bunch of work for them because they are lazy or some crap like that. The movie doesn’t go into it. One of those humans escapes and lands on earth in a terrible-looking spaceship. He is being tracked by cyborgs and ends up meeting a prostitute who is in the process of becoming a full-time nun.
I think this is basically the budget TERMINATOR like HANDS OF STEEL, but neither TERMINATOR nor HANDS OF STEEL had super-low budget animatronic or puppet dinosaurs. Yeah, that’s right, I forgot to mention the cyborgs in this movie have dinosaurs that help them hunt down humans. The dinosaurs mostly look like T-rex’s but come in a few different sizes, like little dog-sized, like a medium, then taller than human size. I am almost positive this movie went direct to video, but the main actor Daniel Bernhardt isn’t a stranger to Hollywood even today. This dude was in everything from the first 2 BLOODSPORT movies to BIRDS OF PREY AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN and the upcoming NOBODY movie. The movie's main actress is Travis Brooks Stewart but it looks like she’s only acted in 1 other almost completely unheard of movie. Unfortunately, none of this means we got an ounce of competent acting in this damn thing.
It is quite possible this movie contains more cardboard boxes than any other movie in cinematic history. It also looks like some of the dinosaurs were stolen from the set of CARNOSAUR which came out 4 years earlier. This movie is loaded with terrible but it’s also bizarrely shot. The first scene in the movie seems to be well after the rest of the movie but without explanation, we are suddenly shown a cheesy spaceship, and the storyline backtracks? The film does ultimately come back to the opening scene, but it serves zero purpose in the storyline. Apparently, the dinosaurs only see in red and black? There are lots of shots that seem to be unrelated to the movie at all. The soundtrack is almost completely absent until the final sequence. We also get situations where the main character is bleeding and in the very next shot in the same sequence isn’t.
Overall I can’t recommend this thing. It’s beyond terrible but it could be pretty fun perhaps if you have 90 minutes to waste or just want to watch something with enough cheese to feed Wisconsin for a decade. It’s also very likely that any kid with a smartphone could make a better-looking movie for about $25.00.
I give this thing a 1 out of 7. Oddly it’s not the worst pile of garbage I’ve seen.
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