PRISONERS OF THE LOST UNIVERSE (1983)

PRISONERS OF THE LOST UNIVERSE (1983)

(Adventure, Action, Fantasy) [PG-13]

This movie was intended as a made for TV movie, so there isn’t a rating to go with it. I gave it a PG-13 rating just so you would have an idea of the content. This movie has far too many “gd” bombs in order for me to call it anything but PG-13. There are also several attempted “rape” scenes with no nudity, but that should give you an idea of what content you are in for. 

In this one a grumpy lady that can’t drive named Carrie (played by Kay Lenz probably best known for being in the movie HOUSE) and a really cranky guy named Dan (played by Richard Hatch most famous for being Captain Apollo on the original BATTLESTAR GALACTICA TV show) she got in a car accident with, end up at the same house for 2 different reasons. This house is owned by a mad scientist (because of course, it is) and he’s just perfected the ability to transport himself across parallel universes (for no apparent reason at all). He accidentally transports himself and both Dan and Carrie, who appear to be total idiots, accidentally transport themselves as well. In this new universe, they run into all kinds of perils before finally running into the mad scientist. Will he help them get back to earth or does have had other sinister plans?

First off, let me say I have seen John Saxon in some very bad movies, but so far this might be the freakin worst. If you don’t know who John Saxon is, he’s probably most famous for being Nancy’s father in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. He plays a warlord in this movie named Kleel who has the worst security team of any of the 80’s warlords. His outfit is also nuts in this movie. The top is something you might see in an old CONAN THE BARBARIAN movie, and the bottom is basically a pair of orange parachute pants MC Hammer might have worn. If you want to watch a rad old movie with John Saxon in it that has sci-fi and awesome stuff in it, watch SPACEHUNTER: ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE. It came out the same year as this one and it’s far better. 

The acting in this thing is bottom of the barrel even for the best actors in it. It just feels like no one cared or really wanted to be a part of this. Outside of 1 pretty cool creature at the very beginning of the film, almost every other costume or effect wasn’t anything worth noting. While there were a few efforts made to make this place seem like a different dimension, ultimately what we get is just a movie with a bunch of people running around South Africa in the desert. This movie is not as plot-less as some others I have seen but the dialog is hopelessly bad and some of the underground sequences that were not in a cave, look like they were shot in a warehouse basement. 

I wish I had something good to say about this movie, but I don’t. Well...there is a blue dude in it, maybe some people will like that. This is a huge waste of your time and you could probably have more fun buying a bunch of garage sale stuff and shooting your own movie on a smartphone making sure to spend as much time filming people walking around as possible to make the movie last longer. Speaking of that, this movie is only 90 minutes long, but it feels like it's 4 or 5 hours. Normally I love campy stuff, but this one misses the mark on every level possible. 

Having said that this is going to get a 1 out of 7 from me. 

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